"Not every student is for you, and you are not going to be for every student."
My mentor offered me this little nugget of wisdom during yoga teacher training, and I was a bit shocked when I heard it.
As it sank in, it felt almost counterintuitive. “What do you MEAN people aren’t going to like my class? I want everyone to like it”, I worried to myself. This especially concerned me because one of the gifts of a great yoga teacher is someone who knows how to make yoga accessible to everyone who walks through the door.
What she was getting at was something more nuanced, and honestly more freeing. My style of teaching, my cues, my energy, the pace I hold, and my carefully selected music to match, those things are going to resonate deeply with certain people and fall completely flat for others. The student who leaves my class and never comes back might just need something different.
I’ve had some people suggest I change a part of my class or rearrange things. What they didn’t understand is that there’s a standard sequence order that follows a highly specific physiological progression. Others didn’t like that I played Smashing Pumpkins on my playlist. Others loved it and said it kept them motivated during the hardest part of the class (carefully curated). As much as I want everyone to have a great experience, if I start chasing people who may have left, or contort my style in an attempt to be everything to everyone, I know that I'll end up being nothing to no one.
We think a lot about this at ALPs, and how that directly applies to leadership and how we do business.
“Everyone is not your customer. ”
Companies can spend a lot of energy trying to be all things to all people. They can constantly change their product lines to match the latest trend. Changing branding or messaging may add some new customers, but it may also leave long-standing customers confused or frustrated. Companies that take on every client who will have them will have plenty of work in the short run, but often find themselves adrift and exhausted in the long run. Leading our teams and businesses in a way that keeps everyone happy, is actually not leading at all.
The most effective leaders we've observed, and the best businesses we've worked with, are remarkably clear about who they are. They know their values and leaders want to be in it with their people. They know the kind of environment they're creating, and they're honest about it and who should be a part of it. Not everyone will love what they're building. And they've made peace with that.
The untrained eye may see that as arrogance, but it's really just clarity. And clarity is magnetic to the right people.
In yoga, we call this clarity, this purpose, dharma. While I can dive deep down the rabbit hole of the nuances and details that make up our dharma, it’s simply a description of our unique path and the application of our principles to the role that is distinctly ours to play in life. In essence, to do our duty, to the best of our ability.
That’s the harder side to all of this, because accepting that not everyone is for you, requires knowing who is. You have to know who you are as a leader, understand your organizational culture, and the kind of client or team member you serve best. That work isn't comfortable. It requires honesty about your strengths and your limitations. It requires you to stop trying to be every type of leader, every type of company, and start leaning into the specific one you actually are.
The team members who thrive under your leadership style will bring you their best work. The ones who don't may be exceptional people who simply need something different. We've talked before about the cost of keeping the wrong people in the room. What we talk about less is the cost of trying to become someone different to keep them there. When leaders abandon who they are to accommodate everyone, the people who were actually aligned start to feel unsettled. When you're clear in how you communicate, what you stand for, and the kind of culture you're creating, you make it easier for the right fit to say yes and for the wrong fit to opt out gracefully before everyone wastes years of their lives.
After teaching a few hundred hours over the last four years, my classes are distinctly what I want. I’ve gained confidence knowing that I’m following the method and philosophy I was taught, as well as what I like and what resonates with those who keep coming back. Whether it’s one person who shows up for a 500 am class on a Tuesday, or 20 people on the weekend.
The same should be true in leadership. Show up fully as who you are, not a performance in the hopes of attracting others. Build the thing you're genuinely meant to build.
The companies and people who are for you will find you. When they do, you'll be ready for them. In the meantime, don’t change your playlist.
