Last month I graduated from Denver Seminary’s Master of Divinity - Leadership program and have been reflecting upon the experience ever since. Family and friends gathered with us to celebrate, and the two most commonly asked questions were: “What did you learn?” and “What’s next?” I am thankful for the opportunity to breathe, reflect, and share some lessons learned. 

I remember them, all of them. Every day. I don’t live for them, I could never do this justice. I cannot hold myself to any expectation worthy of their sacrifice because I could never earn what they willingly gave. Nobody can. Nobody ever could. We cannot live for them. But we can live.

There is a trend in business jargon to use therapeutic language - words and phrases that originate in psychology and social work. Over the past few years, I've noticed that as the use of therapeutic language in a business context has increased, so too has my discomfort with it. At this stage, whenever words like heard, safe, and trauma come up in a business setting, I mostly bristle. I wonder if others can relate. It bothers me because I know how invaluable therapeutic language is. Yet, in these settings, it lacks substance, hides meaning, and is—at times—manipulative. 

Recently, a friend asked me about “Icebreakers” in large group facilitation. She is working with a group that is coming together for the first time (approximately 80 people). A little over half of the members have been around each other for over 5 years, the other half is entirely new. She suggested an icebreaker for the gathering, which garnered mixed reactions. Some committee members were supportive, others ambivalent, and others strongly opposed it. She reached out to ask for some “professional advice” on the matter. I figure, what the heck! I may as well write down some thoughts and share it with everybody! 

Confidence is critical in leadership. As a young Ranger, I learned an important phrase - “When in charge, be in charge.” It didn’t mean you would be certain about your decisions, it meant you had to be confident to lead. It means that as leaders, we have to own it. We must be confident while accepting that we can never predict the outcomes. Confidence is hard to come by and must be earned over time. You can’t get it from books or podcasts or fake it until you make it. You have to get some reps. And you have to build confidence through the stages of base and learned confidence to gain earned confidence. Earned confidence is experience plus preparation, honed in the arena, for the arena.

It’s hard to believe, but Q1 is OVER. How’s the year going so far? Have you had a chance to look back and reflect on the first three months of 2023? If not (which is totally understandable), we suggest carving out an hour or two to review your goals for this year and see how reality is stacking up. And if we may be so bold, we also recommend revisiting the way in which you go about setting goals in the first place.

Contrast is a powerful educator. Contrast is a striking difference - abrupt and disorienting. Disorientation is essential for learning because–oftentimes–we must be moved off our mark to see things differently. Our mark is where we stand physically, emotionally, and mentally. Our mark can be a topic or a decision we feel certain about. And while some things in life require certainty, most do not.

Expectations matter. We all have them, and typically we don’t know we have them until they go unmet. Kelly and I learned that lesson by serving within a marriage ministry at our church called Reengage for three years. It’s a funny thing to see couples who have been together for decades still enter into situations with unstated expectations; we certainly still do after over twenty years of marriage. If we have expectations with our life partners even after decades together, it’s not so surprising for us to have expectations within our teams that are often just coming together! 

We are all drowning in information, and that makes it very difficult to pick apart what is truly important vs. what is merely interesting. If a leader’s first job is to see the world as it truly is, then we should be thoughtful about the type, volume, and source of the information that we are consuming. Whether we’re conscious of it or not, the information we absorb will shape the way we see the world, and if we’re not careful, it can lead us astray. 

I’d love to be able to say that I was one of the people who left the Army as a top performer and immediately found myself at the top of my new profession (sales), but I was not. Two years running I watched colleagues collect hardware and hard cash at the National Sales Meeting while sulking in my chocolate cake from the audience.