Let’s just name something from the start. Firing people sucks. It’s a terrible feeling and a circumstance we all wish we could avoid, but inevitably, if we are leading teams aimed at big goals, it will happen. And if you hate it as much as every leader we know, good! This makes you normal!
I wasn’t always normal when it came to this topic. I thought it was somehow a badge of honor to fire people from the Rangers back when I was a young, immature, and mostly angry team leader. It was the late ‘90s, and my unit hadn’t experienced a combat operation since the late ‘80s, which meant we were practicing for the game for a decade without getting the first whistle of a real match. That’s a tough situation for a unit whose sole mission is to operate at the tip of the spear.
And we could have handled it better. Our unit was the focus of many investigations related to hazing and harassing Soldiers and other legendary feats of unit-on-unit aggression that are sealed in the annals of Fort Lewis history. As for me, well, I wish I could tell you that I rose above the foolishness of harsh hazing and harassing, but I didn’t. My participation remains a leadership mistake I wish I could take back. But I can’t
I can, however, learn from those mistakes, and I have. I have learned that firing people truly sucks, and if you are a leader who is going through this right now, I want to tell you why it sucks so badly. Firing people sucks because we care.
We feel twisted up inside because when we work together with others, we do life together. And doing life together means we go beyond the boxes that need checking and the tasks that need doing. It means we know the teammate's spouse. We know their kids. We know where they vacationed last year and whether or not they ate the oysters and got sick. We understand how they prefer to be appreciated. We remember the small gifts and the extra miles we’ve walked to help them be their best. And it hurts to know that we have to let them go after all of that.
And then, they are gone.
But those memories and the effort we expended to care for them remain. And it feels at times that we have failed, that somehow if we had been better leaders, this wouldn’t have been the outcome. And it feels a bit like a breakup. Ugh! Breakups suck! But we know that breakups tend to give way for new relationships to blossom. I trust anyone reading this can look back and see how those dark heartbreaks have led to the dawn of new, special relationships. And if you’re currently experiencing the dusk of a fresh breakup, hang in there. It’s always darkest before the dawn.
“The day firing becomes easy, is the day to fire yourself.”
Letting someone go also inevitably creates more work. It’s not like whatever was on their plate evaporates. No, it shifts back onto our plates because though we delegate task authority to others, we retain responsibility. And that sucks too! It’s not like we don't have enough to do without the extra activities now that there is a hole in the team. And then there’s the need to delegate some of those tasks to the other members of the team who you already have to look in the eyes and say, “I’m sorry, but I’ve had to let our teammate go.” Which leads to another crappy part of the process - what will the others think?
Will they think I’m heartless? Will they understand how much I didn’t want this outcome? Will they have seen all my efforts to keep the teammate with us, help them overcome their setbacks, and thrive? Will they start to wonder if they are next or think that I operate a zero-defect environment where mistakes are unacceptable?
No. They won’t. And from one leader to another, let me say this with all the love I can - stop.
You’re not a terrible person or a failure, and neither am I or anyone else with the unpleasant responsibility of firing another person. You’re a leader, and you care. That’s what’s happening here.
You know that people are not problems. Problems are problems. People are people. And if you’re at the point of termination, I trust you’ve separated the person from the problem and worked earnestly to solve it. I can imagine you feel torn up about the results and wish it were another way, but if we are here at the point of termination, trust that you’ve done your work and now need to do your job. If firing the teammate is the right decision, make it, follow through, be kind to yourself, and drive on.
But don’t allow your emotions to hold you back from making the right decision. And don’t feel that you must shut off those emotions and be ruthless in your follow-through. You don’t. You can still be caring and still let someone go. Sometimes, this leads to their next big breakthrough. After all, who are we to hold others back from what they are meant to do?
If you can put your head on the pillow at night and know that you’ve done what you can and that it’s not working out, then let them go and know that, yes, it will in fact, suck. But no, you are not (in fact) a terrible person.
